


Certainly Not in Love Enough

by TARDISTraveller42



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Action, Adventure, Aliens, Angst, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Suspense, TARDIS - Freeform, sci fi, space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-18 10:16:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12386148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TARDISTraveller42/pseuds/TARDISTraveller42
Summary: On a trip away from Darillium, the Doctor and River fall into a spot of trouble. Can a life-threatening situation help River finally realize the Doctor's devotion to her?





	1. Chapter 1

“And if I happen to find myself in danger, let me tell you, the Doctor is not stupid enough, or sentimental enough, and he is certainly not in love enough to find himself standing in it with me!”

Chapter 1

The cobbled streets of New London 3 were quite peaceful, passersby looking in shop windows as they passed with shawls wrapped around their shoulders. The city was built to mimic old London town, as it had been nearly four hundred years previously in the days of Charles Dickens. New London 3 was the one place on Earth still desperate to keep to its roots, banning the spaceships and anti-grav cars that packed other metropolises like Neo Roma and Beijing 2. This was good news to those looking for an escape from technology and stories of space travel. This was not such good news to a certain time travelling couple on a vacation away from Darillium. 

River landed the TARDIS silently, as always, and threw the Doctor beside her a smug look. “There. Now, was that so difficult?”

The Doctor shook his head, but smiled none the less as he stuffed his Sonic into his jacket pocket. “She likes the noise. And so do I.”

River kissed him with a smile, and then shook her head. “That noise tears her brakes apart. It’s no wonder why you have to repair her so often.” River started toward the door, but halted as she noticed the Doctor still at the console. “Are you coming?”

He held up a finger and dashed off. “I’ll just be a tic. I need to get my other coat.”

River laughed. “You always say that, and you always come back wearing practically the same thing.” She watched him disappear through the upstairs corridor and then turned back to the door. “I’ll just be outside! I want to check the weather.”

River opened the door and stepped out, onto a patch of cobblestone damp from a recent winter’s snow. She gazed around the street and her grin widened. It was like a perfect little Christmas town, decorated with oil lamps and even a few carolers. She shivered against the cold and pulled her jacket in closer to herself. Then she noticed two people approaching, who looked nothing like the nearby carolers singing in their scarves and woolen sweaters. 

The man in front wore a silver uniform filled with badges and eyebrows angrier than those of her husband. The woman beside him wore the same, and in addition carried a silver scanning device. The man spoke first. “Are you the owner of this vehicle?”

“One of them.”

The man crossed his arms. “Space travel is strictly forbidden in this city. Time travel even more so. Were you aware of this fact?”

River eyed the man’s creasing brows. “I was not.”

The man frowned and looked at his associate. “Do you have that scanner?”

“Yes, I do,” the woman replied, holding the device up and pointing it at the TARDIS. The man shifted his weight onto one foot.

“See where it was manufactured. And what their towing policy is. It’s comin’ out of your pocket, you know.”

He looked pointedly at River and she stifled a laugh. “Gonna be a hell of a bill.”

His eyebrows creased further at this, nearly meeting, until the woman made a high pitch, incoherent exclamation. 

“Sir, it’s...it’s from Gallifrey! The planet of you-know-who...it’s a; it’s a…”

The man’s eyes bulged as he eyed the machine.

“Good lord! I never thought...he dare come here after we’ve finally rebuilt.”

River’s grin dropped immediately. The woman in front of her turned to her darkly and raised the scanner. It beeped and whirred immediately. “She’s human...no, wait...there’s something of the Timelords in her. Augmented lifespan...used regenerative energy...traces of Timelord DNA on her lips.”

The woman showed the scanner to her co worker, who took out a pair of gray handcuffs. Before River could say ‘wait’, they were deadlocked on her wrists. The man eyed her cockily. “You’ll be taken to our finest prison...whatever you are. And then we’ll find the Timelord known as the Doctor.”

All River had time to do before they dragged her into their little horse drawn carriage was knock a piece of psychic paper onto the cobblestones beside the TARDIS doors. 

. . . . . .

The Doctor finally finished drying his favorite red-lined coat in the time winds beneath the console and sighed. As he threw it on, he called out, “Sorry, River. I forgot I’d dropped it into a pool on Maldravani when we were there last week. Are you ready?”

He looked around the empty space and then went outside, smiling as his face met the wintry air. He shut the doors and spun in a slow circle as he took in all of the sights around him, from the yellow Christmas lights lining window frames to the horses marching proudly down the cobblestones, shoes clacking. He stopped suddenly as his boot met a small piece of paper, set in the lining of what looked like a wallet. 

Silently he smiled to himself, sure that River knew exactly how much chaos she would cause dropping this little piece of advanced tech on the ground. Then he took it in his hands and looked it over more closely. His smile dropped.

“‘Run. They know you. I’ll break out myself. Love always, River.’”

The Doctor’s head swivelled this way and that, as if he could still find her there in the square. He pocketed the psychic paper and shook his head. “River…”

The beautiful night was drawing in, bringing more people outside into the wonder of a classic fairytale village. But to the Doctor, they and the magnificence of the town might as well have been invisible. Everything blurred as his wide eyes searched only for the curly, unmistakable hair of his wife. “River,” he repeated, as if her name was a mantra. “I’m on my way.”

. . . . . .

“What are you?”

“I told you, human.”

“Scans show you’re over two hundred.”

“I always ate my vegetables.”

“And you have used regenerative energy in your cells.”

“They were very healthy vegetables.”

River smiled coyly at the soldier questioning her for the tenth time that day. Was it day? Or was it still night? She couldn’t tell, nor could she care. Her world had become four gray walls, a pair of tight handcuffs, and three separate guards, all wearing that stiff uniform. She wondered if they ever took it off and relaxed. To pass the time, she imagined them each in one of the Doctor’s wacky articles of clothing. 

“Do you know the Timelord known as the Doctor?”

River’s eyes drifted. “Perhaps.”

“Traces of his DNA were found on your lips. It seems you are quite intimate.”

River shrugged. “Where’s the fun in only kissing people you’re intimate with?”

The soldier slammed her fist on the table and turned to the man behind him, the one who had arrested River originally. “Sir,” the soldier said, her voice high and full of exhaustion. “I don’t think we’re getting anywhere.”

The man came to the table and leaned down to her level. River pictured him wearing a bowtie and chuckled. He didn't like that. “Do you think this is a joke? We are trying to keep our city safe.”

“From who? The Doctor?”

The man shrank back at the name, standing stiff again. “He destroyed our old town. Blasphemed our leaders. We have finally rebuilt, and learned about him and his terrible species.”

River had to admit she was curious. “What did you learn?”

The man turned away, looking at the floor. “They’re a warrior race. Hell bent on destruction. Whole planets have suffered at their rage.”

River quirked an eyebrow. “Are humans any different?”

The man paused for a moment, then continued. “We have studied the Doctor. A shapeshifter; a face changer. More than two faced. If you are on his side, nothing can hurt you. If you are against him, nothing can save you.”

River took this interesting view of the Doctor silently. Her lips pursed together in agitation. “Did you ever wonder why he destroyed your city? Why he wreaked havoc on your leaders?”

The man’s eyes shone. “We all know the stories. We are raised on the history of our people. The Doctor, that malicious traveller, promised to save us from the monsters that cursed our land. And when the monsters came, he all but joined them; couldn’t stomach the fight. Our government fell to alien control for one hundred years of dictatorship. And the Doctor flew away.”

River pondered over this. Softly, she said, “That’s why you ban aircraft. And especially time travel. To keep aliens out. To keep yourself protected.”

The man smiled, but there was nothing sweet or joyous about it. “It has been an unqualified success. No alien attack has happened here since the dark times. And none shall ever occur again.”

River smiled to herself. “But he isn’t here. All you have is me.”

The man came beside her. “If he’s not here, then I think he is going to be here very soon.”

River’s smile faltered, her voice softening. “Don’t hold your breath.”

“You either,” the man said eerily. Then he turned to the guard. “Take her to the cell.”

The guard quirked an eyebrow. “Sir?”

“It won’t be fatal for her. She’s only partially alien.”

River couldn’t help feeling a little afraid at the man’s strange words, but she also couldn’t avoid the guard’s rough pulling as he took her from the chair and led her into the hallway. The last she saw of the uniformed man was his sneering smile.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

River heard the door creak open and slowly lifted her head. Her wrists and ankles were still locked to a cold metal chair in the center of the room, the only piece of furniture in the empty space. There was no way of knowing how long she’d been here, awaiting her fate. At first, she’d tried communicating telepathically with the Doctor, but both of them were poor at the complicated skill anyway. Then she had simply fallen asleep, bored with the white walls almost instantly.

She opened her eyes and saw the man from earlier strut in beside an armed guard, a young soldier who’d questioned River earlier. ‘The Man’ smiled, a sight that was unnerving at best, terrifying at worst. River didn’t let her fears surface. “Still haven’t found the Doctor?”

The man shook his head. “No, but we will. Guard, open the gas valve.”

The guard nodded and came to a spot behind River out of her view. He turned a squeaky wheel and something began hissing into the air. ‘The Man’ eyed River with another eerie smile. “We’ve created a serum to kill any unwanted alien intruders. It detects the xeno particles in the body and attacks only off worlders. When the Doctor realizes you’re in danger, he will fall right into our hands. Then we will do the same to him, with more adverse effects, of course.”

River breathed a laugh through her nose, though she already felt the effects of the serum beginning to take hold. “Do you honestly think he’d risk his life just because I’m locked up somewhere?”

The Man nodded matter-of-factly. “I know he will. We have studied the Doctor’s patterns extensively. We will broadcast your treatment to his TARDIS, and he will come running in to try and dismantle our government again. But this time, we are ready.”

River shook her head, wincing as a headache formed in her frontal lobe. “You have no idea what--or who--you’re talking about.”

The Man gestured for the guard to leave, and then went to the door himself, pausing momentarily. “No, I think that it’s you who doesn’t know the Doctor, ma’am.”

With that, The Man closed the door, and River let herself groan with the screaming headache pounding in her head.

‘Oh, Doctor, stay far away from this place.’

. . .

Hours later, River’s intense headache had been joined by aching limbs and heavy, strained breathing. It was astonishing to her that this was only half the effect the serum would have had on the Doctor. She was glad he wasn’t here yet, and that he may never end up here. 

She began gritting her teeth against the pain as another deep breath brought more of the serum into her system. She didn’t care. As long as the Doctor wasn’t here yet, as long as he was safe, she could endure anything. At some point the guards would screw up and she’d make her big escape. They’d laugh it off and go back to Darillium, maybe play a joke on Nardole for kicks. 

As if in response to her daydreaming, alarms started blaring all over the complex. Her eyes widened as she thought what the alarms might mean--or who they might be about. But she shook her head. He wasn’t coming. She’d told him not to, and he hadn’t shown up many times in the past where she’d gotten into more trouble than this. 

She shut her eyes again and groaned. Her headache was only getting worse with the loud alarms crying out from all angles, cold sweat beading in her forehead. The door banged open in front of her, crashing loudly against the wall. River slowly opened her eyes once more. They immediately widened and she nearly forgot her headache.

“You have to get out. Doctor, leave me. There’s this serum...”

But he was already hovering over her, checking her pulse with both of his hands on her neck. 

“I'm not going anywhere. I flooded the basement with Targaths. Should give us ten minutes.”

As the Doctor began Sonicing the chair, River shuddered. ‘Targaths’. They’d met Targaths last month and hardly escaped with their lives. “Targaths? That’s not like you.”

The Doctor coughed into his sleeve and then went behind the chair, muttering, “Deadlocked.”

He pried off the back cover of the chair and began reworking the complicated network of bolts and screws. His hands were shaking when he next pulled out the Sonic and fiddled with a few wires. River shook her wrists, but to no avail.

“Doctor, you have to get out. They have this serum. It will kill you.”

“I’m not leaving without you.”

The Sonic dropped out of his hand and he fell to his knees coughing chestily.

“Doctor!”

“I’m...fine. Just one more plug.”

The Doctor switched one more set of wires. Finally the cuffs binding River to the chair sprang open. She jumped out of the seat and ran to the Doctor’s side as he heaved for breath. 

River was close to screaming at him. How could he come after she’d deliberately asked him not to? Why would he walk right into something he knew would kill him? But she looked him over and softened, even felt afraid.

“Sweetie, where did you park the TARDIS?” River wrapped her arms around her husband, who was shaking in her grasp. His face was too pale, eyes wide. She rubbed his shoulder roughly as he lay half in her lap. “Come on, can you walk for me? Just to the door. We have to get you out of here.”

The Doctor took in another harsh breath and then nodded. River used her body weight to levy him up to some kind of standing position, with his legs threatening to give out. Swiftly, she half-carried him into the adjacent corridor and slammed the door shut with her shoe. 

The Doctor was already falling bonelessly out of her grasp again. River tried to keep him up, smacking his face lightly with one hand while holding him up with the other.

“Sweetie; come on. I need you awake just for a little while longer. Which way to the TARDIS?”

The last if the Doctor’s strength seemed to wane and his legs gave out, a low groan emitting from his throat. River sank beside him, holding his upper half. She was shaking, but he was shaking worse. At least, she realized, her headache was dissipating. Perhaps that meant he would soon be feeling better too.

As if trying to dash her hopes, the Doctor’s eyes slid shut, his throat working soundlessly. River blinked away the fear rising within her and shook his shoulders, touching a hand to his cheek. He was covered in a cold sweat.

“Look at me, Doctor. Please.”

He coughed, and then his eyes mercifully opened, a little glazed over but focused on River. She smiled. “There you go. Which way is the TARDIS?”

The Doctor rolled his head around and weakly gestured to the left. He muttered, “Just round the corner. Watch out for the...Targaths.”

River had forgotten about the nasty creatures he’d set on the prison. She would discuss that with him later, when he was feeling better. If he ever felt better, River’s brain added. She shivered, and then straightened herself, pulling him up with her. He groaned.

“Sorry, Doctor, I can’t carry you all the way.”

He staggered to his feet again, helped by a fatigued River, and put his arm around her shoulder. River wanted to drop to the floor herself, tired as she was, but she pressed on around the corner, nearly crying in joy at the sight of the TARDIS as they found the blue box. 

“Okay, Sweetie, we're practically home. Just a bit longer.”

The Doctor murmured something incoherently. River quickened her pace, grabbing her TARDIS key from her pocket with shaking but determined fingers. She managed to get them both inside with the doors closed just before the Doctor slumped to the grating.

River knelt beside him and turned him onto his side. His eyes were still open, slits peering up at her with a mixture of fear and pain she’d never witnessed in him before. He groaned again and curled around his chest before sucking in a few deep but unsteady breaths. River bit her lip and brushed a thumb through his hair.

“Don’t worry, me and the TARDIS will fix you up, you daft, wonderful man. Stay with me.”

River looked to the TARDIS Console and Time Rotor for assistance, and though a weight sat in her fluttering chest, she somehow knew her husband would be alright. Then she glanced back down to him and shuddered. He looked paler than ever. River felt a tear glide down her cheek.

“Stay with me.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, this chapter gets pretty angsty. And yes, there will be one more chapter after this one to wrap everything up. Enjoy and please comment!

Chapter 3

“River…”

“I’m here, you bloody...why do I bother?”

River chastised him even as her fingers ran through his hair trying to be of some comfort to at least one of them. The truth was, she was shouting to keep herself grounded. If she let the tears fall, they wouldn’t stop and then she’d be useless to him. 

“What the hell were you thinking? I told you not to come; I specifically asked…”

“‘M sorry.”

Beside her sat medical supplies she’d gathered in one terrifying trek to the med bay. 

“I have medicine for you, and you better take it, because I’m not forcing it down your throat. And there’s a shot. Something the TARDIS wants you to have. I can’t say it’ll be fun.”

The Doctor squirmed beneath her, uneasy. River chewed her lip for a moment before breaking into action again, filling a small cup with a blue medicine. When the cap was secured back on the bottle, she shuffled over to his head. His hair was a mess, damp in some areas from sweat, and the product was coming out, drooping some curls down toward his eyebrows.

“Can you lift your head a bit?”

He used his elbow to levy himself up, groaning as his body moved, and then River helped him the rest of the way with a hand behind his back. Eventually, she got him leaned back against her torso.

“Swallow this. The whole thing.”

Gently, she tilted the cup in between his open lips and he gulped it down as fast as he could. When he was completely finished, she set the cup back down and rubbed his shoulder. He coughed chestily.

“Okay. Okay, sweetie, we’re not finished yet.”

“I know. The shot.”

River picked up the syringe, but placed it back down immediately. Her hands were shaking way too much. Instead, she busied herself unbuttoning his jacket and waistcoat. He really had picked a nice jacket to wear; one of her favorites. It was made of some shade of red velvet, and went well with the dark waistcoat. Even laying on the dirty floor with sweat rolling down to his eyebrows, he looked handsome. 

The jacket was beautiful, but it had also led to this; the Doctor on the TARDIS grating barely able to catch his breath as River helped him unbutton his clothes, because he couldn’t even do that. The velvet felt just a little less soft as River pried it and the waistcoat open to reveal one last layer, his white, fully-buttoned shirt.

“This body’s got a thing for buttons, doesn’t it?”

The Doctor’s head tilted, and he said quietly, “Doesn’t like being touched.”

River raised an eyebrow as she continued to unclasp the buttons. “We’ll have to remedy that.”

A faint smile ghosted across the Doctor’s lips, but it was soon replaced with a grimace as he gasped in air more greedily. River finished unbuttoning his shirt without another word.

When she next went to pick up the syringe, her hands had calmed a bit. Only a slight tremor came in waves through her joints. She filled it with a second medicine, red this time, and looked at it anxiously. 

“Okay, Doctor, you just relax…”

She looked over and found him breathing in short, painful gasps, staring up at the ceiling dazedly. His fists were clenched at his sides.

River leaned over him, holding his face with her free hand and trying to look into his eyes. They had a kind of glaze to them, and didn’t focus even as she tapped his cheek.

“Doctor? Can you hear me? Come on, Sweetie. Look at me.”

River’s eyes darted across her husband’s face, worry rising through her stomach and up into her throat, nearly taking her breath away. The Doctor’s torso heaved out of rhythm, his pale, skinny chest rising and falling more dramatically than it should. River looked at the syringe in her hand, though tears were starting to blur her vision. 

Her cool and collected mind was dissipating into a watery pool of anxiety.

“Doctor, stay with me. Just hold on. Please.”

The last word came out breathlessly as River tried to calm her fingers, which were shaking even worse now. It was only when the Doctor tried to speak, emitting ann incoherent t groan, that River truly came back to herself, wiping furiously at her eyes.

“You stay with me, Doctor.”

Her voice was steel now, and she held the needle above his chest without any sign of a tremor. She took one slow, deep breath and then plunged the syringe right in between his hearts. She closed her eyes at the last second.

The Doctor gasped once more, deeper and louder. His body rose off of the floor for a moment, in shock or as a reaction to the shot, River couldn’t tell. But almost immediately, he fell limply onto his back, letting his eyes drift halfway shut. River pulled out the syringe and discarded it before placing both hands on his face.

“Sweetie? Are you alright?”

The Doctor’s head tilted into her hand. She lowered the other one to his throat and felt two strong, throbbing beats. Letting out a breath, she sank into a more comfortable position.

River’seyes wandered over the Doctor. His jacket and waistcoat were still splayed open, revealing his scrawny, bobbing chest. There was a red dot in the center now where she’d administered the second medicine. For a moment it crossed her mind to get a bandage, but River wouldn’t have left him if someone paid her. He looked so fragile, if she looked away from him for even a second he might disappear.

His breathing was slowing to a more normal, steady rate. River ran a hand through his hair and took his hand in her other one. Softly, he squeezed her hand. The motion brought tears into her eyes. Now that the emergency was taken care of, her adrenaline was waning and her brain was processing the stress and anxiety.

River found herself sobbing into her hand while her watched her husband sleep, trying to keep quiet but unable in the strenuous circumstances. Without meaning to, her stifled cries made their way into the Doctor’s ears, raising him from unconsciousness.

“River-?”

He murmured her name before opening his eyes. River was all over him instantly. “Sweetie! Go back to sleep. You need to rest.”

Hisstruggled open, flitting over her face. “You’re crying.”

River laughed, though she couldn’t explain why. “You scared the hell out of me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no; God, don’t be sorry. You have nothing...do you want yourself covered again?”

The Doctor nodded, and River busied herself re-buttoning his shirt and waistcoat. When she was done, she ran both hands over the fabric, working out any wrinkles. She sniffed softly before daring to speak again.

“I do like this coat.”

They shared another shaky laugh before River sobered. 

“Just never let it separate us again.”

Before the Doctor fell back asleep, River heard him murmur, “You got it.”


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

River lay beside her husband, legs brushing against his and fingers of one hand holding firmly onto his sleeve. Her other hand was laid on his chest, just over his right heart. Its steady thumping lulled her into a comforted slumber until she was half asleep, breathing in the smell of his hair in front of her face. 

When he began stirring, body shifting and quiet breathing turning to sleepy mutterings, so River awoke as well. She leaned on her arm and watched his eyebrows crease as he came to, and broke out into a wide smile as his eyelids slipped open to reveal his blue irises.

“Sleep well, Sweetie?”

The Doctor smiled softly, and instantly began pushing himself up, rather weakly. River could tell he was a bit confused and definitely uncomfortable with waking up on the TARDIS floor. His mouth twitched down into a frown as he sat up, relying too much on River’s aid for the simple motion.

“What happened?”, he asked.

River pursed her lips. “What do you last remember?”

The Doctor closed his eyes and then nodded. “Nevermind. I think I got the gist.” He crossed his legs together in front of him. “Targaths. Then a poison gas. A lot of lying down. Nasty medicine.”

River smiled. “Yep, that about sums it up.”

She shifted awkwardly. “Ugh, Doctor, about the Targaths…” 

His eyes darkened. “I know.”

“It’s not like you.

“I know.”

They fell silent. Then, the Doctor took River’s hand in his. “They sent this video to the TARDIS. Of you. In that chair. They were hurting you. I...I guess I got carried away.”

River nodded, but didn’t look at him. “And then you ran into a room with poisonous gas. Did you know it was poisonous?”

The Doctor didn’t respond immediately. Rover watched him chew his lip. She quirked an eyebrow and he finally relented. 

“Yes. I knew.”

“But you came anyway. You...saved me.”

The Doctor shrugged. “Well, then you saved me. I was just returning the favor. In reverse.”

River grinned. “We do a lot of things in reverse, don't we?”

“I wish it didn’t have to be that way.”

River leaned in toward him. His eyes were brighter now, his color mostly returned. “We have twenty four years now. In the right order. Together.”

The Doctor’s eyes flitted over River’s lips and to the curls on her shoulders. “Yes. We do.”

They shared a kiss, right there on the TARDIS floor. As their lips parted, they looked into each other’s eyes. River held his face gently in her hands. 

“Don’t risk your life like that ever again.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“You sentimental idiot,” she muttered.

The Doctor replied, “Don’t get captured by alien hating humans again, eh?”

River kissed his cheek and wrapped her arms around him in a sideways hug. “I’ll try not to make a habit of it.”

The Doctor returned the hug for a moment before his eyes shot open.

“River...the Targaths are probably destroying that planet right now.”

River groaned into his neck. “Don’t say what I think you’re going to say.”

“River, we have to go save the pudding brain humans.”

River pulled away, keeping a hand on his chest. She shook her head. “I hate how good you are sometimes.”

He flashed one quick lopsided smile before they both jumped to their feet and hurried to the Console. River grabbed the red lever.

“Right, how are we going to beat them this time?”

The Doctor peeked around the Time Rotor. “Same as last time? Or should we try something new.”

River raised a brow. “Do you even have to ask?”

The Doctor snapped and danced around the controls. “New it is. I have just the plan.”

“Is it going to get us into trouble?”

“Probably.”

They met eyes. “Brilliant,” River said. 

They both pulled down their respective levers at the same time before the TARDIS wheezed in her takeoff.


End file.
